Thursday, April 24, 2008

Good grief. I was never much of a Peanuts fan, but Charlie Brown's catchphrase seems to be the first expression to come to mind. Oy. That's the second one.

I called my mom to see how she was moving along with wedding-related stuff. Mainly: 1) has she bought a dress yet (and if so, is it appropriate, or is she attending a wedding on some distant planet?), 2) what hotel is she staying at, and 3) where's my response card? And 4), I also figured I could use some filler material for my next therapy session (reminds me of the Geico commercial where the caveman puts his mother's call on speakerphone so his therapist can hear).

1) Hasn't gone dress shopping. Hasn't even browsed to see what's out there. Now come on, I'm sure she's been to the mall in the last few months. Would it be that hard to at least walk past the special occasion section at Macy's or Penney's?

2) Hasn't booked hotel yet.

3) "Oh, didn't look at it that closely." The invitations looked like something corporate. Back in my day they had scrollwork and frilly edges." Maybe she's referring to the block lettering? I don't know, to me at least, pearlescent paper with bright aqua doesn't look too corporate. Our names were in script, at least. I decided to just say, "What do you want to eat?"

I guess I should just be glad that she at least has a plane ticket. Oy.

I mentioned that while Ryan's mom was down last weekend, she said, "Cat, your mom must be really excited!" (My response was, "Uh, yeah, I guess...well...I think it hasn't really sunk in yet..." but I didn't mention that to my mom). My mom said, "Well, I'm not a big party person."

That's golden fodder for my therapist. Hello? Earth to Cat's mom?! Come in! Do you copy? I think the point is that your first child and only daughter is getting married. You know, the whole big trip across the country to witness the big commitment/starting a new family/sacred covenant and all that jazz. Not whether or not you're big on social gatherings. Good grief. It's not just lack of enthusiasm, it's lack of most interest at all. You'd think she was attending a wedding of some distant in-law who she'd met once at a funeral.

I admit that the reason that Ryan's mom's over-the-top-ness makes me feel bad (see stress last weekend) is the disparity with my mom's attitude. Ryan's mom won't stop asking questions: "Do you know what you're wearing to the rehearsal dinner? What is your first dance song? What song are you cutting the cake to? Are you having any readings during the ceremony? etc... With a lot of the questions I just smile and say, "It's a surprise," secretly hoping that it will reduce the number of future questions. I can't think of a single question my mom has asked about the ceremony or reception. I mean, I volunteer information and she sometimes comments ("Outside? You'd better hope it doesn't rain."), but there's not much anticipation.

I have some heavy therapeutic gardening to do tomorrow!

3 comments:

Jen said...

You and I seem to be in the same boat with moms and weddings. My mom has actually threatened to (1) wear a black dress and an old-style funeral veil, or (2) take a spontaneous vacation for the entire month I'm thinking of having the wedding. I honestly think she'll cave and show up at the American wedding, but I can't count on her for the Chinese ceremony.

I'm not sure which is worse - your mom's indifference or my mom's active hatred of the whole thing. At least my mom feels *something*...but at least you can count on your mom going to the wedding, even if she's passive-aggressively criticizing everything there (like those invitations, which were beautiful, I might add).

The hardest thing for me is watching KT's brother's wedding planning coming along smoothly. His fiancee is from Australia, and her parents are not only paying for the whole thing, but they flew to the US just for her engagement party. It's not quite as grand as it sounds because they were on vacation in Europe, so they flew from there...but still! And here I am trying to penny-pinch on a future resident's salary ($46k), skimping on parts of the wedding I'd probably rather not, looking at apartment buildings that aren't nearly as nice as I'd like just to save on rent, etc...

KT's mom is giving us pressure as well, but it's more like "You can't get married in the Unitarian church because I'm Buddhist and won't set foot in a church" (though she actually rescinded that one) and "Why are you wearing white - that's a funeral color in China!" So it's really more culture shock for her.

Oh, feel free to make this comment viewable if you feel comfortable. I don't mind. I complain about this all the time in real life. :-p

Cat said...

"I'm not sure which is worse..." I feel really bad for you; I think your situation is a lot worse. After all, you and your mom were really close before.

I think a lot of it is my mom being out of touch with reality. Like the lack of dress shopping- she doesn't realize that there are special MOB dresses that many moms order from bridal shops. I'm fine with something from the dept store, which is I think what Ryan's mom did, but Ryan's mom was excited to go buy a dress even though she's not usually a clothes horse.

One funny out-of-touch-with-this-century thing was that my mom said she did leaf through a wedding magazine (gasp! some interest!) at the newsstand and was aghast that "none of the dresses have sleeves!" I have a feeling she's not going to like mine because it's so form-fitting and not as demure as stuff from her generation. Oh well, welcome to the twenty-second century.

Jen said...

Well, we still are pretty close when we avoid the subject. It actually bothers the boy more than me. At one point he actually said he didn't want to get married until my mom accepted him. It took me a while to talk some sense into him, but seriously...is giving her even more power over us really the answer! Come on!

Even if your mom doesn't buy a dress specifically for the wedding, it would be nice if she said she had something in mind when you asked. For my mom, I don't think she'll actually participate in the ceremony, so I guess it doesn't matter what she wears (doesn't have to match the color scheme for example), as long as it's not all black like she threatened.

My mom's dress had sleeves too...those sheer lace type of sleeves. It was pretty, but very modest, with a Queen Anne collar, empire waist, and full skirt. I bet she'll make some sort of comment about my dress, but who cares...I love it! I'm actually picking it up today, so we'll see if it fits in the right size...